Hidden Fears
by Lalita
Summary: One-shot "What scares you?" Ikhny and Kizna have a discussion on their fears. It's a short friendship fic, but please read and review!


Hidden Fears

by Lalita

Disclaimer~ Megami Kouhosei is not mine, much to my bitter disappointment. 

Summary~ " What scares you?" Ikhny and Kizna have a discussion on their fears.

Author Notes~ Well, this little fic popped into my head a few days ago, and it wouldn't go away, so here's the result. Please read and review!

            " What scares you?"

            I glanced over at Kizna, surprised by her whispered question. We had been sitting companionably in silence, after I had spilled my heart out about Hiead's latest verbal and physical abuse and Kizna had died down from her following ten minute tirade. " What?"

            " What scares you?" she repeated, meeting my eyes. She looked truly curious, like she really wanted to know the answer. 

            " I... I don't know," I said, a bit puzzled and taken aback. Of course, it wasn't completely unlike Kizna to spring sudden questions on me, and it certainly wasn't like we hadn't had deep conversations before, but she sounded... different, this time. Insecure. As if she needed to know that someone else besides her had fears they hid from the world. " A lot of things, I guess."

            Kizna nodded. She gazed out of one of the large windows at the Observatory Deck, clearly wanting to say more, but unsure of how to say it. I waited patiently. I knew that, in due time, she would tell me. She always did. 

            Her tongue slipped out of her mouth to moisten her lips. " I guess... What I'm really afraid of... is..." she broke off, apparently unable to go on.

            " Yes?" I prompted, sliding my hand across the cold metal bench to lightly touch hers in a reassuring gesture.

            Kizna smiled gratefully at me and squeezed my hand. " I'm afraid of failing," she admitted softly.

            I cocked my head to one side and stared at her speculatively. " You won't fail, Kizna," I said, with such conviction I never knew I had.

            She laughed softly. " How do you know?" she asked, her tone light, but I could hear the trace of yearning behind it. She wanted to be comforted, to be told she was good enough, to have someone chase away her doubts. It was perfectly natural. Not one human doesn't have a day like that once in awhile.

            " Because you're Kizna," I said simply. 

            A shadow of doubt flickered in her violet eyes. " But who is Kizna?" she mused.

            " Kizna is wonderful person and friend," I replied, intertwining my fingers with hers. " Kizna does her best at everything she does. She is always good enough for her true friends. She is good enough for herself." I paused, but continued. "She's good enough for me."

            Kizna chuckled and swiped the few tears in her eyes away with her free hand. " Thanks," she said, smiling gratefully at me. " I needed that."

            " I know." We sat without speaking for a few moments, but then it was I who interrupted. " I think I'm most scared of... love."

            Kizna's eyes widened in shock. " Love?" she repeated, wrinkling her nose at the thought. 

            " Love," I confirmed, refusing to meet her eyes. Instead, I stood up, released her hand, and touched the thick glass window separating me from space. 

            " Why?" 

            I chuckled. " I'm afraid of the bond it has over you. Of... of the pain the person can inflict on you." I threw up my hands pleadingly. " Look at Hiead and I! We are candidate and repairer, and he uses even that bond to hurt me."

            Kizna's face darkened. " But Hiead's an asshole," she told me, looking like she wanted to hunt him down and shove all the shit he gave to me right back up his ass.

            I smiled sadly. " Be that as it may, who's to say the person I fall in love with won't use our bond to hurt me in the same way? Only, it'd be worse, because I don't love Hiead, and what he does is enough to have me crying for weeks."

            Kizna stood up and put her hand on my arm. Tears were coursing down my cheeks but I didn't care. " Ikhny," she said, in a voice so soft I had to strain to hear her,  " believe me, when you find true love, it'll be worth it."

            I turned around and she squeezed my shoulder. We embraced, and suddenly, I knew. No matter what, I would always have Kizna to turn to. Perhaps that was true love, always having a shoulder to cry on. Maybe it was true love, sisterly love, to have someone who knew you through and through. 

            I knew what true love was like. And I wouldn't break that bond for anything.


End file.
